EP239: The Human Skills (5): Vulnerability & Courage
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This is episode 5 of 8 the series called The Human Skills. We’re talking about what I believe are the top human skills for every leader to possess, to have, to master.
In this post - we're covering two skills together, because they're connected: vulnerability and courage.
Defining the Terms
I love starting with the actual definitions. Vulnerability means the state of being open to physical, emotional, or relational harm. From an emotional standpoint, it's sharing true feelings, fears, or secrets with others, even though it risks rejection.
Courage is the mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, pain, or hard times. Courage doesn't mean you don't have fear — it means you feel afraid but still choose to do what's right or necessary.
So vulnerability is the willingness to be seen, and courage is what you do because you're willing to be seen. Vulnerability without courage is just exposure — you've taken the risk, but nothing changes. Courage without vulnerability is just performance — it looks bold, but if nobody actually saw you, it might not have the impact you need.
Why This Matters for Leadership
These skills sit underneath almost every other leadership skill. Think about trust. It's harder to build trust with a team that never sees the real you. You might appear competent, but trust isn't built on competence alone — it comes from honesty about your growth edges, where mistakes might be made, and being willing to talk about the hard stuff.
And think about the moments that really define a leader: not just the wins, but the hard call, the conversation nobody wants to have, the decision made without all the information. Those are the moments that ask for courage. People don't follow leaders because they never falter — they follow leaders because they trust what happens when things get shaky.
This starts with yourself, too. When you can face your own vulnerability — understanding the unhelpful thoughts and tendencies that don't help you flourish — that's when you build confidence. And when you have the courage to actually make changes, ask for support, or work with a coach, that's what grounds you in your authentic self.
The Barriers
Vulnerability often gets confused as oversharing or weakness, so we either avoid it entirely or do it with the wrong audience — venting instead of honestly sharing — and it backfires, which confirms the belief that started the avoidance in the first place.
We also make up stories in our heads. Our brains love to predict the worst-case outcome, and that stops us before we even start. And many of us carry armor — perfectionism, having it all together, needing to seem like we've got everything handled. That armor protects us from being seen and from the risk of a bad response, but it also keeps us from being truly known, from growing, and from building real trust.
In my one-on-one coaching, 90 to 95% of the time, underneath whatever a leader says they want to work on, there's a lack of confidence — and underneath that is self-trust. Building vulnerability and courage is central to that work.
Building the Skills
A few places to start:
Name the story. Before you react to a situation, pause and name the story you're telling yourself about what happened — separate from the facts. Then you can decide whether to confirm that story or challenge it.
Admit mistakes openly. Own your errors — with yourself first if that feels safer — then pivot to what you learned and what you'll do differently.
Say "I don't know." It's okay to not know something. Follow it with your commitment to figuring it out.
Ask for help. Show your team you value their expertise over protecting your own ego or reputation.
Take one small courageous action. Think of a decision or conversation you're avoiding. Ask what the smallest next step is, and commit to it in the next 24 hours.
Vulnerability and Courage Through Insights Discovery
These skills don't show up the same way for everyone. Using Insights Discovery language:
Fiery Red: Vulnerability often reads as loss of control, so the armor shows up as certainty and pushing forward faster and louder. Courage usually comes easily — the growth edge is admitting fault without immediately trying to fix it.
Sunshine Yellow: Vulnerability can get performed rather than felt — open-sounding, but not always deep. Courage shows up easily in speaking up, but less easily in sitting in silence and letting a hard moment breathe.
Earth Green: Vulnerability comes more easily one-on-one and is harder in front of a group. The harder courageous act is often the conflict itself — holding a firm line when someone is upset.
Cool Blue: Vulnerability often gets intellectualized — "here's my analysis of why I struggled" — which can be a way of staying one step removed from the actual discomfort. Courage is strongest around being right, but harder when there's visibility in front of others, especially if the analysis isn't complete.
Your Challenge
For vulnerability: say one true, slightly uncomfortable thing out loud — to your team, or even just to yourself. For courage: take one action you've been avoiding, simply because it's uncomfortable.
Armor protects us, and sometimes it needs to be there. But it also blocks us — from impact, from satisfaction, from being seen, from trust. As Brené Brown put it, vulnerability isn't about winning or losing — it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Uncertainty is real. Let's not let that stop us from being the leaders we're capable of being.
What Do You Think?
How connected are you to the skills of vulnerability and courage?
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