Episode 25: Words Matter
Be Aware of Your Message
Even the smallest of words can have an impact on the meaning of your message!
Enjoy!
Listen Here:
(The notes below are only a brief summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email request to: angie@angie-robinson.com. We’d be happy to provide that!)
This episode came about because I recently turned 50 years old…and had several people say to me “It’s just a number.” It got me thinking about how when we say things like “just” or “only” - although the intentions are probably good - we are projecting on to the other person how we think they should think about that circumstance.
It’s true - 50 IS just a number. But “just” a number? We all have our own thoughts about the circumstance (i.e. age of 50). By saying “just a number” - the person is implying that it’s not a big deal - I shouldn’t think anything of it. They probably just wanted me to feel better (which is actually making an assumption that I don’t feel good about it!).
Here are some examples of how this could show up in the workplace between a leader and team member:
After employee receives their performance review and are told “It’s just a score.”
Employee is asking for a new job title that aligns with their actual job duties but is denied and told “It’s just a title.”
Engagement survey or 360 review done and there were some critical open comments about the person - and they are told “It’s only a few comments.”
We have thoughts about a circumstance - which generates our feelings, drives our actions and creates our results. The circumstance (i.e. the title) creates a thought for the person. AND - the statement (“it’s just a title”) is another circumstance which generates another model!
If you are the leader / commenter - here are a few things to consider:
Don’t project your feelings onto the other person.- even though there maybe good intent or no intent (i.e. “just” implies - - so it’s not a big deal).
Don’t assume that you know what the circumstance means to them.
Don’t make judgements about their thoughts.
Lead with curiosity – ask questions instead (it’s a great place to insert coaching). This will to connection and trust. BONUS – if you know their personality style and communication preferences – you can even create better connection!!
Examples of questions:
What are your thoughts about this rating? What are you making it mean about you?
Help me understand what having that title would mean for you?
What are you missing out on by focusing on these three comments?
If you are the receiver of the comments:
Decide what it means to you.
Offer grace to the person saying it. Maybe explain your thoughts to them.
What do you think?
Do you see how a simple word can shift the message?
Links
Episode 9: The Magic of Mindset (where we talk about The Model)
Episode 13: The Magic of Curiosity
Join the Community
Join leaders just like yourself who are looking to increase their leadership confidence and positively impact the world around them. Click here: The Practically Perfect Leader Community
Please leave a review in Apple Podcasts + share with a friend
It will help others find the podcast - the more leaders we can impact - the better our workplaces and lives will be!
Schedule a FREE Consult
Click here to schedule some time - let’s talk about how we can work together through one-on-one coaching, Insights Discovery workshops or other leadership development work!