EP203: The Cost of Avoidance in Leadership
COMFORT IS EASY…
…but is the cost worth it?
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(The notes below are only a brief bullet point summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email to angie@angie-robinson.com.
The Hidden Cost of Avoidance in Leadership
Avoidance is something every leader experiences at some point—regardless of title, tenure, communication style, or personality preference. In this episode, I explore the hidden cost of avoiding the conversations we know we need to have.
Especially when entering performance and annual review season - clarity matters more than ever. Transparency matters. Alignment matters. And yet, this is also the time when avoidance tends to sneak in the most.
Avoidance Is Human
Avoidance is normal. We avoid conversations that feel uncomfortable, conflict that feels draining, or feedback that feels hard to give. Sometimes we’re tired, overwhelmed, or unsure. Sometimes we tell ourselves we’re being kind by “letting it slide.” And sometimes, honestly, we just don’t want to do it.
There’s nothing wrong with you if this happens. You’re human. But leadership requires us to step toward the conversations our instinct wants us to step away from.
Why We Avoid
There are many reasons leaders avoid tough conversations:
Fear of conflict or emotional reactions
Not wanting to hurt feelings
Wanting to be liked
Not knowing the “right” words
Being unprepared or overwhelmed
Feeling too busy
Personality preferences—earth green and sunshine yellow steering away from tension, fiery red wanting to push forward, cool blue waiting until every detail is perfect
We also label these conversations as “difficult” or “hard,” which primes our brains to resist them even more.
The Cost of Avoiding Conversations
Avoidance doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It has a real impact—on others and on you.
1. Avoidance erodes trust.
People feel when something is off. Silence sends a message, even if it’s not the one you intended.
2. Avoidance creates confusion.
When clarity is missing, our brains fill in the blanks—and usually not with positive stories.
3. Avoidance damages performance.
People can’t improve what they don’t know. Issues that could have been quick corrections become patterns.
4. Avoidance makes small problems bigger.
The longer you wait, the heavier it gets—often turning into unnecessary frustration or crisis.
5. Avoidance impacts the entire team.
When leaders avoid holding one person accountable, everyone else notices what is tolerated.
6. Avoidance affects you.
The mental load grows—worry, irritation, anxiety. It’s exhausting.
And this applies internally, too. When you avoid your own self-reflection or uncomfortable truths, the costs are the same.
Avoidance Is Not Kindness
Many leaders tell themselves they’re avoiding conversations to be kind. But as Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” Avoidance is not clarity. Avoidance is not kindness.
How to Step Toward the Conversation
You don’t need to resolve the entire issue at once. You just need to start.
Here’s how to approach it with grounded leadership:
Prepare Yourself
Pause. Center your brain. Build awareness about what you’re thinking and fearing.
Do a thought download:
What is making you uncomfortable?
What are you afraid might happen?
What barriers are getting in the way?
Get Clear on Your Purpose
Why are you having this conversation?
What outcome matters most?
Decide Ahead of Time How You Want to Show Up
Think about the result you want or the feeling you want to bring into the conversation. Choose the thoughts and actions that support it.
Lead With Curiosity
Skip assumptions and accusations. Speak to behaviors, not character. Be specific, grounded, and human.
Hold Space for Emotions
Yours and theirs. You’re not there to fix—just to be present.
Align on Expectations
Clarify what’s happening, what needs to change, and what comes next.
Don’t wait until a review meeting to say something that should’ve been said months ago. And don’t rush through reviews just to get them done—humans deserve your attention.
And please don’t sugarcoat or hide behind ratings. Be honest. Be respectful. Be clear.
This isn’t just about leadership and direct reports. Avoidance shows up in every relationship—and even within yourself. Think about the conversation you might be avoiding. Then take one small step toward it.
Avoidance is human. But clarity, courage, and connection—that is leadership. And leadership is human.
What Do You Think?
Where in leadership do you tend to avoid??
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