EP204: Receiving Feedback Well
A BIG GROWTH OPPORTUNITY,,,
…lies within receiving feedback well!
Enjoy!
Listen Here:
(The notes below are only a brief bullet point summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email to angie@angie-robinson.com.
I recorded this episode in December, which for many organizations means one thing: annual reviews. If your organization does reviews at the end of the calendar year, you might be right in the middle of them.
And while I hope this isn’t the only time feedback is given or received, it’s a natural moment to talk about a very specific angle:
Not how to give feedback—but how to receive it well.
As leaders, we’re often trained on giving feedback effectively, clearly, and with impact. I’ve even done several episodes on it (episodes 150, 151, and 152 if you want to go back). Those episodes focus mostly on the giver of feedback.
In this post - I focus solely on you as the receiver.
Feedback from your boss or supervisor
Feedback from your board
Feedback from peers
Feedback from your direct reports
How you receive that feedback—and what you do with it—is just as critical of a leadership skill as how you give it.
A Personal Story: Emotions on My Sleeve
Over my long career, I’ve received a lot of feedback from a lot of different people. One piece from a past leader has always stuck with me:
“You wear your emotions on your sleeve.”
It was not meant as a compliment.
At the time, I thought, “Well, that’s just who I am. I’m passionate. I care deeply.”
Later, I realized what they were really telling me: When I didn’t like something, everyone in the room knew it—before I ever said a word. I was “showing my cards,” and that wasn’t always helpful in a leadership role.
The feedback wasn’t about changing who I am. It was about becoming more aware of how my reactions impact other people.
That’s at the heart of this topic: The art of receiving feedback, managing what comes up for us in the moment, and using it for growth.
What Is Feedback, Really?
I’m talking about feedback broadly here. It can be:
Formal or informal
Verbal or nonverbal
Solicited or unsolicited
At its core: Feedback is information.
It’s data about performance, behavior, or work that’s meant to guide future actions, improve skills, enhance outcomes, and celebrate what’s working. Feedback can:
Reinforce what we’re doing well
Highlight where we can adjust or grow
The feedback itself is neutral data—until we add a thought to it.
Why Feedback Matters for Leaders
Why does feedback matter so much? A few big reasons:
1. Feedback fuels learning and growth
It’s one of the fastest ways to grow. It helps us see what’s working, what’s not, and where we need development. When we receive feedback in a way that serves us, it builds confidence and reinforces positive behaviors.
2. Feedback opens new perspectives
Feedback can reveal blind spots we can’t see on our own. It invites diverse thinking, new insights, and opportunities we may have missed.
3. Feedback drives performance and success
At the individual, team, and organizational level, feedback strengthens performance, adaptability, and resilience. It creates shared learning and elevates effectiveness.
If it helps, think of a time when feedback truly helped you grow or see something differently. That’s evidence that feedback can be valuable—even if it doesn’t always feel great in the moment.
The Five Cornerstones of Effective Feedback
Beyond frameworks and scripts, there are five core elements that elevate how we give and receive feedback.
1. Curiosity
Curiosity is your leadership superpower. It builds compassion and connection. It’s the desire to know and learn, to push past assumptions, and see what’s beneath the surface.
2. Mindset
Our thoughts drive our feelings, our actions, and ultimately our results. If our mindset is, “Feedback means something is wrong with me,” we’ll experience feedback as punishment, not opportunity.
3. Cognitive Bias
Our brains love shortcuts. Cognitive biases—like recency bias or confirmation bias—help us process quickly, but they can distort how we hear feedback. Awareness lets us ask: Is this bias serving me or limiting me?
4. Active Listening
Active listening means tuning into the other person’s words and intent, and quieting our own mental chatter. Instead of planning our defense or our next point, we truly listen to understand.
5. Communication Preferences
Tools like Insights Discovery help us understand our preferences for communication and decision-making. Those preferences shape how we give feedback and how we receive it.
Receiving Feedback Well vs. Just Receiving It
What does it mean to receive feedback well?
Listening with openness instead of defensiveness
Seeing feedback as information that can help you grow, not a verdict on your worth
Building trust and improving how you work with others as a result
Receiving feedback well is more than “smile, nod, and take notes.” It’s about how you show up in the process.
You don’t have to love the feedback. You just need to stay open, grounded, and curious long enough to learn from it.
Barriers That Get in the Way
There are plenty of internal and external barriers. Some common ones:
Distractions – Notifications, noise, or a chaotic environment make it hard to truly listen.
Emotional reactions – Our instinct is often to protect ourselves, defend, explain, or justify.
Mindset – A fixed mindset (“This is just who I am”) makes feedback feel like a threat.
Poor delivery or timing – Vague, harsh, or badly timed feedback can trigger resistance.
Lack of self-awareness – Without awareness of our impact, we miss patterns and growth opportunities.
Fear – Fear of disapproval, losing credibility, or feedback being used against us.
All of that can be true, and the giver absolutely plays a role. But as the receiver, the only thing we truly control is how we choose to receive it.
Our job is to:
Listen
Clarify
Discern what’s fact, what’s opinion, and what’s worth taking forward
Most of the time, what gets in the way is not the feedback itself—it’s our reaction to it.
The Emotion Side of Feedback
The first place feedback lands is rarely the brain—it’s the emotions.
Common emotional reactions include:
Defensiveness
Shame or embarrassment
Anxiety or nervousness
Surprise or disappointment
Relief
Pride, motivation, or determination
And those can come from both “positive” and “constructive” feedback. You can feel embarrassment when someone celebrates you just as easily as when someone corrects you.
Emotions are emotions. Feedback is feedback. Awareness of your emotional patterns gives you more choice in how you respond.
How Insights Discovery Styles React to Feedback
If you use Insights Discovery, you might recognize yourself in these default reactions:
Cool Blue (introverted thinking):
May overanalyze, get self-critical, and focus only on the facts, not the feelings.Earth Green (introverted feeling):
May take feedback personally, withdraw, or over-apologize.Fiery Red (extroverted thinking):
May respond quickly, defend, and move to fix it fast—without fully listening.Sunshine Yellow (extroverted feeling):
May joke or stay upbeat to deflect, agree quickly… and then not follow through.
These are general patterns, not boxes. Once you’re aware of your default, you can choose differently.
The Thought Model: Why Curiosity Changes Everything
Remember: feedback is neutral data—until we add a thought.
Using a simple thought model:
C – Circumstance: The actual words of the feedback
T – Thought: What you make it mean
F – Feeling: The emotion that thought creates
A – Action: What you do (or don’t do)
R – Result: The outcome you create
Example feedback:
“Your emails can come across as a bit abrupt.”
If my thought is: “Who is she to tell me that?”
I feel defensive.
I dismiss the comment, justify my behavior, and avoid the person.
The result? I don’t learn anything—and I create tension in the relationship.
If my thought is: “I’m terrible at communicating.”
I feel ashamed or inadequate.
I overthink every email or avoid speaking up.
The result? My confidence and performance suffer.
Now, what if I add curiosity?
Thought: “Maybe my intention isn’t matching how it’s landing. I want to understand that.”
Feeling: Curious.
Actions: Ask for specific examples, reread my emails, get other perspectives, adjust tone.
Result: Greater self-awareness, stronger trust, and better communication.
Curiosity is the bridge between reaction and growth.
Practical Tips for Receiving Feedback Well
Here are some practices you can use right away:
Notice your baseline. Where are you on the “avoid at all costs” to “love it” spectrum?
Pause before reacting. There is so much power in the pause.
Name your emotion. “I’m feeling defensive right now” gives you space to choose.
Seek specifics. Ask for examples instead of getting stuck in generalities.
Clarify, don’t defend. “Just so I understand, here’s what I’m hearing…”
Reflect back. Share what you heard to check for alignment.
Check blind spots. Talk to others you trust to see patterns.
Express gratitude. Even if you don’t love what you heard.
Control the controllables. Decide what you will act on—and what you won’t.
And importantly, reflect on your own Insights style or communication preferences:
What can you leverage to receive feedback more effectively?
What might get in your way—and how can you adjust with more curiosity?
The Bottom Line
Receiving feedback well = Awareness + Curiosity + Intentional Choice
Feedback will always find us—through reviews, comments, body language, even eye rolls from our kids.
The magic is not in whether it shows up. The magic is in what we choose to do with it.
What’s one behavior you can practice this week to receive feedback a little more openly, a little more grounded, and a little more curious?
What Do You Think?
What’s one behavior you can practice this week to receive feedback a little more openly, a little more grounded, and a little more curious?
Links
150: The Foundations of Effective Feedback
151: Mastering the Art of Feedback
152: Are You Ready to Give Feedback? The Brene Brown Checklist
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