EP237: The Human Skills (3): Curiosity
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(The notes below are only a brief bullet point summary of what is discussed in the podcast. Be sure to listen to get all of the goodness! If you would like a full transcription of the episode, please send an email to angie@angie-robinson.com.)
This is episode 3 of 8 the series called The Human Skills. We’re talking about what I believe are the top human skills for every leader to possess, to have, to master.
Human Skills: Curiosity
What Curiosity Actually Is
The dictionary definition is simple: a strong desire to know or learn something. But we could reframe it a little. Curiosity is the willingness to stay in a question longer than feels comfortable — to hold off on the answer, the label, the verdict, in favor of genuinely wanting to understand more. It's choosing the not-knowing on purpose.
As a leadership skill, that might mean staying open to what you don't yet understand about a person, a situation, or even yourself — especially when you're sure you already do. It's different from the polite, surface-level "how are you?" It's genuine. It's held on purpose. It's intentional.
Most conflict, most underperformance conversations, most misread relationships can trace back to a story someone decided was true before they had the whole picture. Curiosity is how we get the whole picture.
The Opposite of Curiosity
It might be certainty. Assumption. Close-mindedness. And I don't say that to make certainty sound like a bad thing — it's not, inherently. Certainty is efficient. It's fast. It feels like competence. Our brains prefer it.
That's exactly why it can be dangerous. Certainty shows up as filling in the ending of someone's sentence. Deciding why an employee missed a deadline before you've asked them. Walking into a conflict already knowing what happened. And the cost isn't always obvious — but relationships erode. People stop bringing you the real story once they sense you've already written it.
Two stories that show the difference
You're leading a project. The status update comes in: behind schedule, over budget, off track. The story writes itself fast — this team isn't managing this well, they're not communicating. So you tighten reporting, add check-ins, start to micromanage.
Except that's not what was actually happening. There was a vendor problem the team had known about for weeks. They were working the solution — they just hadn't escalated it because they didn't want to look behind. You weren't wrong that something was off. You were wrong about what it was. One curious question — what's actually in your way right now?— could have changed the entire trajectory.
Or: an employee has gone quiet in meetings the last few weeks. Used to speak up, doesn't anymore. The story in your head might be, he's checked out, maybe it's time to think about fit. Except the true story is that he'd been talked over for weeks and quietly decided it wasn't worth the friction. Nothing to do with engagement. Everything to do with not feeling like there was room for his voice.
Held with certainty, that story manages someone right out the door. Led with curiosity — I've noticed you've been quieter lately, what's going on for you? — it gets you to the truth.
Why Curiosity is Hard
A lot of leaders were promoted and praised early on for having the answers, not the questions. So curiosity can feel like a downgrade — like admitting you don't know everything, which can hit the ego. Certainty feels safer, especially under pressure, because things move fast, and "I already know" feels faster than "let me find out."
There's also the time pressure — too many deadlines, too many fires, no time to dig in. And sometimes there's a quieter fear underneath it: if you get curious, you might find out something you didn't want to know, or you might end up with more on your plate. So it's easier to avoid it.
Three Directions for Curiosity
Toward yourself. Understanding your values, what makes you tick, who you want to be — that requires curiosity to actually get the answers. It also shows up in reflection: if you had a reaction, got angry, got stressed, asking why did that land so hard for me? What am I actually afraid of here? connects directly back to self-awareness. Leaders who stay curious about themselves catch their own patterns before those patterns run the show.
Toward others. We use curiosity to stay open to a person's story, their motivations, the actual context — rather than deciding we already know. This isn't just for conflict; it matters in the good moments too. Understanding what actually motivates someone's best work lets us lean into it even more.
Toward problems. Instead of jumping to the first fix, staying curious about root cause gets you to what's actually driving the issue. I love the Five Whys — asking why at least five times to get underneath the surface. In my HR roles, I'd often hear, "my team isn't performing, we need more training." But digging in — why aren't they performing? What's the evidence? Why do you think that's happening? — usually surfaced something that had nothing to do with training at all.
Curiosity Looks Different Depending on How You're Wired
Speaking in the language of Insights Discovery:
Fiery Red tends to get curious fast and direct — sometimes with a lot of questions but not much space to actually hear the answer. Watch-out: make room for the emotional side too.
Sunshine Yellow curiosity is expansive and social — great at "what if" and "tell me more." The risk is never landing on the one thing that actually matters. Pair curiosity with at least one follow-up question that closes the loop.
Earth Green curiosity is real, especially around the emotional side, but can stay internal — which can look like disengagement. Name it: "I'm still thinking about that, I need a few minutes."
Cool Blue curiosity is thorough and root-cause driven, which is powerful — until it becomes analysis paralysis. Set a self-imposed limit on how many rounds of "why" before moving to action.
An Example
If I don't hear back from an email or text within a reasonable window, my brain starts writing a story — usually something like they're mad at me, I annoyed them. It's rarely helpful and almost never true. So I have to get curious with myself: what else could be true? Sometimes I just reach back out — "wanted to make sure you got this, any questions?" The point isn't to never make assumptions. It's not getting stuck in the story I made up.
There's no judgment here — our brains are wired to fill gaps and make assumptions because it's trying to protect us. Our job is just to notice, be intentional, and get curious.
Do your own quick self-assessment: how curious are you, really? Where do you tend to skip the question and go straight to the story? What's one question you could ask before offering your opinion or expertise? Sometimes the most useful question of all is simply — what else could be true?
What Do You Think?
How can you bring more curiosity into your leadership?
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